Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize