I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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