My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
