So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
