Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize