god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
