i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
