Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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