I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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