i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My vagina just clenched in fear
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
