I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
