I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
