I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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