go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize