fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
