She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
