New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
