Swine flu is the new snow day.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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