last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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