So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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