Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
