My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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