I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
