He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize