Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
