had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
