I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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