I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize