My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
