is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
