Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
