If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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