I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
