Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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