You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
