So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
