he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
