Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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