he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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