Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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