This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize