You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
