I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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