I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
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She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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