my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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