just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
