My underwear smells like fireworks.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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