neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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