I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm really busy with my period
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