Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
