Capitaan dildo arrescate!
well you can't waste a boner
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
