I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
