We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
