just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
