and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
