vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
