i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize