i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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