allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
