I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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