We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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