I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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