it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
