i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You left your phone here
Wait...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
